What do parents of donor conceived children need to know?
Selected short answers from the 2020 We Are Donor Conceived survey
Your child is a human and has the right to know who they are. Just because they want to meet their donor parents doesn’t mean they are going to abandon you or love you any less. Hiding the truth from them will only hurt and damage your relationship with them.
Sperm and egg donor conceived person from USA, age 27
It is not okay to withhold information about your child, from your child. Please be honest and supportive from the start. Just because it was the best option for you doesn’t mean your child will agree or feel good about it. Don’t make up some fancy story about a ‘sweet man’ who isn’t their father. Please don’t.
Sperm donor conceived person from Belgium, age 32
Your children have the capacity to love you AND have a relationship with their DC family. Hiding the truth will not protect them or your relationship.
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 32
Please keep the door open and allow your child(ren) to be curious about where they came from. It’s not a personal attack if your child wants to know their genetic history. It’s their right and it’s not information that should ever be withheld.
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 28
The truth is that biology does matter. Also, there is room in our hearts to love and care about more than two parents. Please do not deny us the right to know our biology because you are afraid it will make us love you less.
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 30
Your children’s needs are more important than your feelings. Period. If you can’t accept that your child will have more than just two branches on their family tree, don’t have a DC child. Don’t have a DC child if you can’t handle the child wanting to know/have a relationship with their other biological parent(s).
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 24
They need to know that if having a genetic connection to their child is important to them, it will likely be important for their child to know their full genetic parents.
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 45
Address any residual grief related to your inability to conceive. Always act in the best interest of the child that you have created. Do not ask the child you created to parent and support you.
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 43
Anonymity and lying is NOT acceptable. Also, you can raise your child in a very loving supportive home, but that doesn’t mean they won’t have a strong need to know where they come from. This isn’t about you, it’s about them and their feelings and needs. You made a choice that they are forced to live with forever, so you need to support them in every way you can.
Sperm donor conceived person from USA, age 38